I'm a professional musician living in Baton Rouge, La. Amateur photojournalist. Enjoys theater and travel in all it's forms including cuisine and reading.
Driving from lunch with a friend today ‘it’ washed over me like a warm summer shower. The pieces of the puzzle of the past four years came together in near perfect clarity….turning….
In that moment I realized that the ‘turning’ that led me to this day started much further back than four years ago. What a gift! The present, guided by the past, leading toward the future.
Beacons of change….lights….sparkling as brightly as any twinkling on a Christmas tree……
I’m no angel but on some days sitting on top of a tree year after year, surveying the world could come easily…..
Like so many women before me, I have worn many hats: daughter, friend, mother, wife, employee…. When it came time to “let go”, finding the path was challenging at times.
But it is in the ‘turning’, the ‘letting go’ that we discover ourselves and allow others to discover who they are….The bottom line is trusting the process.
That was today’s insight….and WHAT a gift!……it was like……..
I’ve looked forward to the languid days of July for months. Plans of quiet days and rest. Plans for reunion and homecoming.
Last Saturday, my car filled with memories of two little girls riding bicycles in the streets until dark, singing songs until we were hoarse and playing Barbie’s and ‘dress up’…. I drove to my north Louisiana hometown to visit my childhood friend. There, I rediscovered my “blood sister”… ‘family’. The journey has been long but well-worth the wait. The bonds run very deep. There is always enough. Enough love. Enough joy. Enough time….to share…..and like the fruits of July…… it multiplies.
I’m so very grateful for second chances…for each second chance…..for friendship….
July 1, 2013. One year ago I clearly remember looking in a mirror and saying: ‘Enough! Move forward! This next year will be one of exploration, risk-taking, wandering, wondering, ‘following your bliss’. No looking back except to mend what can be mended.”
It’s been a year of friends, new beginnings, rediscovery, old dogs, new tricks. Shedding the skin of unnecessary drivel and looking to dawns, gloamings and the moments in between; remembering to stay in the moment when the passion got the best of me. Some days seemed endless. Some were far too short. Most were about gratitude for what is and trusting the process.
Never a perfectionist, I do confess to being a ‘doer’, pursuing activities like some people collect stamps or chotchkies. Somewhere along this year’s journey I rediscovered peace, the joy of solitude. That ‘no’ and stillness are both good. That being true to myself is paramount. That friendship is precious.
Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said, “A saint is the person who can will the one thing.” I am far from being a saint but I believe he was describing a person who knows the one important thing to say “yes” to. During this year I discovered the distractions of an abundance of “good things” that left me with no energy or desire for the “one thing”. We’re often so busy doing the many to find ‘the one.’ Examining what keeps us from being the best, we’re quick to crown the enemy as something terrible and negative. What we fail to recognize is that often “the enemy of the best can be the good.”
In the theatre the term “dark” means when it’s closed to the public, between productions or on non-performance days. A few months back I decided I’d go ‘dark’ in July 2014 so that moving forward I could ‘will the one’ for the next year more carefully. Last year was a great adventure but it’s time to discern in ‘the dark’so that next year will be focused, bright and beautiful.
Saturday was the Summer Solstice. A time to renew, refresh, reinvent. Within. Around. Remembering that in doing and not doing there is joy. Sometimes it takes a while to discover the rhythm but once found the cadence of summer is sweet .
Joseph Campbell called it ‘following your bliss’. I rediscovered those delightful days last summer— along with this poem by Rainer Maria Rilke. . http://intoitevents.com/2014/05/29/like-a-river/
“May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back.”
This summer I’ve remembered the flow of that river with ‘no forcing or holding back’, ‘the song as no one ever has’. The discovery that we each compose our own song is sweet and freeing.
Not that I hadn’t been true to the journey….sometimes there’s a detour, a bend in the river….. a flat tire….
I once thought to be true to myself meant embracing the world with a wide-eyed, über-enthusiastic grasp. Doing EVERYTHING with such passion. Now I believe it’s wiser-eyed enthusiasm. A passionate calm. Making wise choices about time, talent, treasure. Friends. Family. Sometimes easier said than done on the journey.
I was reminded of a personal anecdote last week. At age four I walked seven blocks to my grandparents house without my parents permission or knowledge. My parentsthought I was lost, missing. The family story goes that when I was asked how I got there I answered: “On my own two yegs“. Was the act independent and fearless or disobedient, I don’t remember. I’ve thought about that little girl; the courage to take that seven block journey, other life journeys.
Yes, summer is quiet. A time of wisdom. Standing at the door….ready and waiting….. on my ‘on two yegs’.
It’s been a busy two weeks since school was out and my last post. I’m always amused by people who think that teachers do nothing in the summer.
After over thirty years in the business I typically smile in response. I was born to teach. I recall gathering ‘the children’ to teach them songs at the neighborhood center my mother directed when I eight years old but now I understand the wisdom in rest and rejuvenation.
The last week of school. A week teachers look forward to. I suppose I have too: Time off to rest and recuperate before heading back to the ‘dance’ in August. This year has been a full one: professionally and personally. Reconnected. Reconciled. Beginning with myself then moving to others. The dance has been slow, steady but lovely.
Since last May I have been reminded that…..
Even good-intentioned people and situations have ‘danger, danger Will Robinson’ times. In those times, a generous, inquisitive spirit is needed.
Forgiveness does not equal acceptance.
It’s perfectly okay to walk away from a situation. Being around negativity is….well, a downer.
Friends and family…..there’s nothing like them. Remind them how much you love them. Nothing has to be extravagant except love.
Find something you enjoy. A passion. You are NEVER too old to learn something new or to remember something you once knew.
Spending quality time with friends and family is important but spending time with YOURSELF is grounding.
Sleep well. Eat well. Move well. Simplify.
Find ‘a purpose’ each day….something to be grateful for. Some days are more challenging than others. We’re human. We miss people. We get angry, frustrated, tired. The ‘purpose’ may be hidden but it’s there waiting…..sometimes right around the next corner. Like magic, it appears out of nowhere.
Friends, family, sunsets, adventures, the aroma of the magnolias when you walk out the door in the evening. Enjoy. Be grateful. Savor life.
Quite frankly, my head has been spinning about what to write. Motherhood. Children. Rites of passage. Joy. Gratitude. . . for mothers and children, school years ending and summers beginning, friends and family and forgiveness…..
I recently read an on-line story that the best Mother’s Day gifts involved leaving mom alone. Admittedly when my children were very small quiet, some occasional alone-time might have been very welcome. Sleep was a rare commodity. Spending quality time with other adults, girl-friends was cherished.
I’ve been blessed to have remarkable friends throughout my life. Male and Female. There are no time limits, labels or geography when it comes to those kind of friends. I have a friend who says: “time stands still on those kind of friendships.” She’s right.
When I first relocated to Baton Rouge, my children were young I joined a ‘play group’ with four other young mothers. We met at first on Tuesdays, then eventually branched out….sharing everything from swimming lessons to understanding what happened at the pediatrician to First Communions. Growing Up. Starting school. We were all ‘transplants’, none of us had local family so it was nice knowing there was a safety net of friends.
It became the custom for our group to go to High Tea on the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Clotted cream, lemon curd, scones….a May tradition. Looking back, we started as young mothers going to ‘play dates’ and transformed into the ‘The Tea Girls’, a diverse yet supportive group of friends. During ‘teas’ we shared our hopes and dreams for the future. Clearly being a mother was the most important work any of us would do…..will ever do….but as creative individuals we had the support of each other to ‘bounce’ ideas: What about this business venture? What about grad school?
In the twenty- five plus years since we became friends some of us have moved to other cities, divorced, remarried, seen our own children get married. We have supported each other through the loss of parents and illness within the group. Friends, good friends, keep us grounded and healthy. They are a mirror for our soul. This group was that.
There is little doubt in my mind that much of the credit for my success as a mother came from the example of my own mother. If Yvonne was gently whispering in one ear, I was lucky enough to have “The Tea Girls” whispering in the other. I’m grateful for both pieces of wisdom and for the Saturday before Mother’s Day….
Today, as we honor mothers I’ll be nibbling on scones and lifting my cup…to My Mother….to Your Mother….”Tea Girls”everywhere…..and to the children they raised…..
Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.
~ Marcus Aurelius-Meditations
Do you remember the old Star Trek episode “The City on the Edge of Forever”? Kirk and Spock pursue an hallucinating McCoy to 1930’s New York City through ‘The Guardian of Forever’. While in the past Kirk meets and falls in love with Edith Keeler. (of course he does, he’s James T. Kirk) Unbeknownst to Kirk, McCoy has stumbled into the mission where Edith takes him in. Meanwhile, through reviewing the Guardian’s images of the original and altered timelines, Spock has discovered that Edith was supposed to have died in a traffic accident which McCoy prevented. Kirk knows that Edith must die in order for time to return to normal. In the end, Kirk does what he believes is the right. “Time has resumed its shape. All is as it was before.”
Forty seven years have passed since Harlan Ellison’s screenplay was first televised. Last week I was reminded of that story, the fluidity of time. People. Places. Peace.
…..And found myself at the portal of my own “The Guardian of Forever”.
Children grow up. Parents age. Friends get sick, some die. It is the natural course of things. Surrender. Letting go. Time, like life, can be about choice. How we choose to spend it. Open to and examining the possible. Riding the wave of time.
Sometimes we grasp so tight, the ‘water’ slips through our fingers.
As much as wish for it, time doesn’t stand still…..nor would we really want it to.
“Seize the day, then let it go.” ~ Marty Rubin
Life happens bit-by-bit, drop-by-drop, moment-by-moment. Accepting people as they are and ourselves where we are. Discovering joy along the current. Not perfection. Not manipulation. But joy. Even James T. Kirk knew he couldn’t trick “flow of time” but be content knowing he found peace.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds into your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
~Mark Twain
Last Thursday morning I threw off the ‘bowlines’, ‘caught the trade winds’ and ‘set sail’ for points north: Boston and beyond. It’s a trip I’ve postponed. One I’ve looked forward to. Easter journey. Family. Friends. Freedom from schedules, commitment. Alone time. Ten days of rest and relaxation. Wandering. Wondering. It’s been too long….
Rejuvenated. Renewed. C.S. Lewis writes:
“Here the whole world (stars, water, air, And field, and forest, as they were Reflected in a single mind) Like cast off clothes was left behind In ashes, yet with hopes that she, Re-born from holy poverty, In lenten lands, hereafter may Resume them on her Easter Day.”
Time to find THAT Easter Day. Pray for those special ones who are still with me: heart, heaven… cherish…..take time. Breathe. Journey. Adventure.
Adventure….
Embrace the reflection of who I am still becoming…..
A mystery of motherhood and middle age….
sometimes leading, sometimes following.
Fun. Spontaneous. Serendipitous. The magic continues……next week….in living color… Explore. Dream. Discover. Catch the trade winds. Who knows where they may lead….
“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain you see their specks dispersing?- it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”
Jack Kerouac On the Road
Some weeks.
Seem special. Every word is cherished. This is one of those weeks and it’s not even Wednesday. Every moment cherished. Every word treasured. It started Sunday with an adventure…….
How many of us have convinced ourselves we’re the only ones that had everbeen betrayed, injured, humiliated. My hand is raised: Guilty!
Broken, often oblivious to the brokenness. Complicated. Confused. Come on!
Odd adventure. Stop. Breathe. Letting go. Surrendering to the possible. Passion!
“Our life is not given to us like an opera libretto, in which all is written down; it means going, walking, doing, searching seeing….We must enter into the adventure of the quest.”
Pope Francis, America Magazine, September 2013
Often, the comfort of what is familiar hinders our desire for the quest. My mother used to stay “a lady always knows when to leave.” That had become my life’s prayer. Knowing when and how to leave….is an ARTFORM. I’m splendid at entrances, it’s the exits I haven’t mastered.
Passion. Journey. Sunday I FINALLY remembered something I’ve known all along. None of the moments are about hurts or injuries, entrances or exits…..but LOVE! As much as we don’t like to admit it, we’re broken people…. At least I am. Love puts it right.
An adventure is good for the spirit, soul…peace of mind. Perspective.
So with renewed vigor, the adventure continues…
with Passion…..Today….Tomorrow….Color me GRATEFUL……….Music to Long By
the world could come easily…..
Rejuvenated. Renewed. C.S. Lewis writes:
BethSings 