end-of-school – BethSings

A letter home…

Spring has been opera performances, conducting musicals, organizing a cabaret, teaching. A last minute trip to visit my son for Easter. Preparations for my daughter’s Masters degree graduation in Boston. My hesitation in blogging has something to do with all of that activity but also with tomorrow. April 19. Thirty years.

A letter that’s long in coming but has been formulated in my heart and mind for quite some time. A letting go.

It seems odd to write. Over these decades you have been a part of the journey. Some days, like today, it’s a fleeting flashback, almost relegated to a hashtag. How you visited with women in the Monroe A&P. We’d get animal crackers. Now, I understand the significance of those grocery store chats. What is said in those whispers on the aisles. I understand a lot more than I did thirty, forty, fifty years ago.

You’d be proud of your grandchildren. They are creative, generous, intelligent, funny people. There has never been a time I haven’t enjoyed their company —-from the first moment I held them to the last moment we spoke. I hope they can say the same of me. You were right. Children grow up very quickly. It’s hard to believe that Sarah (named for your grandmother) is the same age I was the last time I saw you. Patrick (named for your great-grandfather) is now the age I was when I had Sarah. I remembered what you said… to spend time with them. . . the dishes and everything else did keep.

During most of my life I had a clearly marked ‘road map’. About four or five years ago things seemed very murky. Hormones and a redefined self-image…. I recalled one of our last conversations: about middle-aged women – – – a complicated conversation that I didn’t understand at the time. Now I understand the aging process: physical and spiritual. You prepared me for those steps just as you prepared me for so many others. It’s hasn’t escaped me that like many women, you found passion in your 50’s—-yours was public service and education. It’s not that you weren’t interested in public service before, after fifty you just had time to dedicate. Freedom and independence are exhilarating. That was our last conversation April 17, 1985.

You and Daddy taught by example that each day is enough. I hope Patrick and Sarah know that too. Finding the ‘simple’, in themselves and in others; Sifting through life’s concerns with style and grace. Keeping their ducks in a row….sometimes alone, sometimes with others. Always remembering….Family. Friends. Respect. Love. Laughter and fun along the way.

Yeah…it’s more than enough….and the conversation continues….

Cue. Summer.

It’s been a busy two weeks since school was out and my last post. I’m always amused by people who think that teachers do nothing in the summer.

After over thirty years in the business I typically smile in response. I was born to teach. I recall gathering ‘the children’ to teach them songs at the neighborhood center my mother directed when I eight years old but now I understand the wisdom in rest and rejuvenation.

Cue. Summer.

Lazy days. Grace-filled days. Family. Friends. Quiet solitude. Reflective. Laughter. Snapshots of Summer.

I’ve given some thought to these warm, humid days. The naming and keeping.

Summer’s mystery isn’t always found

in the naming and keeping of

days but in cherishing the moments as they come.

Sometimes only our absence can deepen and cleanse our presence.

Sometimes it is better that we go away, for a day or for a season.

Making the reunion ever so sweet….

For Now

The last week of school. A week teachers look forward to. I suppose I have too: Time off to rest and recuperate before heading back to the ‘dance’ in August. This year has been a full one: professionally and personally. Reconnected. Reconciled. Beginning with myself then moving to others. The dance has been slow, steady but lovely.

Since last May I have been reminded that…..

Even good-intentioned people and situations have ‘danger, danger Will Robinson’ times. In those times, a generous, inquisitive spirit is needed.

Forgiveness does not equal acceptance.

It’s perfectly okay to walk away from a situation. Being around negativity is….well, a downer.

Friends and family…..there’s nothing like them. Remind them how much you love them. Nothing has to be extravagant except love.

Find something you enjoy. A passion. You are NEVER too old to learn something new or to remember something you once knew.

Spending quality time with friends and family is important but spending time with YOURSELF is grounding.

Sleep well. Eat well. Move well. Simplify.

Find ‘a purpose’ each day….something to be grateful for. Some days are more challenging than others. We’re human. We miss people. We get angry, frustrated, tired. The ‘purpose’ may be hidden but it’s there waiting…..sometimes right around the next corner. Like magic, it appears out of nowhere.